Some college students struggle to balance academics and romantic relationships, but experts say communication and boundaries are key to healthy partnerships.
James Stein, a professor of communication, said students in Utah face unique relationship challenges shaped by the state’s shared religious culture.
“I think one of the biggest challenges students face especially here [at Utah Tech University] is sometimes unconscious pressure to get immediately into a long-term relationship, and then once you’re in that relationship, to get married,” Stein said.
Stein said it is important for young people to experience different relationships, to understand what they want and do not want, once a certain dynamic becomes familiar.
Understanding yourself and your partner is important when entering a relationship. For example, if you prefer staying home, your partner should respect and appreciate that, and if your partner is more social, you should be comfortable with that as well. Setting boundaries is also essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.
“Making sure you and your partner are in agreement about the nature of who you all are as social creatures matters,” Stein said. “And I also think that actively taking opportunities to blend your relationship into your friendships with the very important caveat of we need alone time in our relationship, and we need alone time away from our relationship.”
College students are especially vulnerable to conflicts in romantic relationships, with 25–30% reporting psychological or physical abuse in the past year. How students handle these conflicts matters, because negative reactions can hurt their relationships and limit the support they get from friends.
Communication also plays a big role when maintaining a healthy relationship. Alex Cromwell, a professor of interdisciplinary arts and sciences, said it’s important to learn how to assert your needs.
Cromwell said that healthy relationships start with self-awareness — understanding one’s own emotions, thoughts and needs before trying to communicate them to a partner. Effective communication requires approaching conversations thoroughly, rather than bluntly stating demands.
“You have to figure out how to open up space, make the other person feel heard,” Cromwell said. “Learning how to open up space without a [another] person’s perspective also is really key.”
He also said avoiding difficult conversations may feel easier in the short term, but it often leads to bigger conflicts later. He emphasized that learning to express needs honestly — while communicating in a way the other person can understand — is essential for healthy relationships.
Addressing issues early, rather than letting frustration build, can prevent emotional blowups and deeper misunderstandings. Cromwell also noted that being honest about problems in a relationship gives partners a chance to improve things, instead of being blindsided by unresolved issues.
Stein said another challenge students often face is the expectation of perfection in relationships. He explained that conflict is not only inevitable but also necessary for growth and understanding between partners.
Stein said: “[Conflict] teaches you about how to talk to others, about how to resolve issues, and about how to negotiate with a person who you’re meant to be in a partnership with. All things considered equal, we’re supposed to be in an equitable relationship with this person, where we are OK expressing what’s wrong.”
Knowing the difference between healthy and harmful conflict is important. Research shows that when partners stop listening to each other’s needs and become defensive, conflicts can escalate and lead to emotional distance and lower relationship satisfaction.
Stein said three things that help create healthier relationships are being proactive, practicing “storge” love — which emphasizes friendship and liking — and focusing on mutuality.
Sofia Morton, a sophomore elementary education major from Holladay, said that she and her significant other set aside a day every week for each other, whether it’s a date night or just having a night to themselves.
“We always communicate how we are feeling to make sure to talk everything out calmly,” Morton said. “If one of us is angry, we sometimes take some quiet time to think, and then talk it out.”
By learning to communicate clearly, set boundaries and embrace conflict as a learning opportunity, students can take greater control of their relationships instead of being shaped by pressure or expectations.
