Sex: My first time will be awkward, brief and ugly, so it makes sense to wait until I’ve committed to being with someone for the rest of my life.
Naturally, people will say I only feel this way because choosing abstinence would make the fact I’ve never had sex seem less pathetic. I have a difficult time arguing with this, but I also have a difficult time believing sex doesn’t mean more when waiting until after the wedding bells.
Sex is fun—my friends and 50 Cent have told me so. The fiery passion it creates has the potential to make new lovers reach a level of togetherness that merely holding hands and cuddling cannot create.
For those who weren’t born great lovers, though, early sex can overshadow everything else that a successful relationship is built upon. You can be caring, intelligent and a good listener, but if you don’t know what you’re doing in the bedroom, all the other qualities may not matter.
People will argue that it is good to cross this realm early because if the lovemaking is bad, then you can end things before the relationship gets too serious. This makes sense, but an important aspect of relationships is being able to work together to build up areas that need improving; couples should look at having a great sex life as a challenge and not a test.
Other problems will arise in a relationship, and when they do, can great sex solve them? No. The time spent working on loving, compounded with other important lessons and trials, can be vital, though.
Couples who aren’t married can work on problem solving, but waiting also combats another bump in the road: the monotony of marriage.
People who are dissatisfied with their marriages often gripe that it is because nothing changes. Well, if you leave some stuff for marriage, the problem is solved. The challenge of becoming a good lover can take months, years or—for someone as clueless as I—a lifetime. One of the only ways being married can feel different is if you set boundaries for what you wait to do until you take the leap.
Also, early in a relationship there are so many questions that must be asked:“Should I grasp her hand during the scary part of a movie?” and “Can I fart in front of her if we’ve just eaten Mexican food?” are very good questions, but “When should we have sex?” has the ability to make a less experienced lover vomit and pass out. Tackle and perfect small things first, and your relationship can last.
I have no religious affiliation that molds my opinion, and I do not judge those who don’t wait. It’s tough; I’ve waited for nearly 20 years, but I can wait a little longer. In principal, marriage is lame, and in many cases foolish, but by building a relationship from the ground up, my first time will be the best two minutes of my life.