After seeing Dixie Sun News’ article on the off-campus rape that happened to Alannah and how Dixie State University treated the case, I feel somehow compelled to share a little bit of my story due to fact that it is similar and to shine light on how hidden these things are that happen frequently on college campuses and how not only the school itself twists it quite often and the media as well to somehow make the victim feel as it is she or he’s fault.
Almost three years ago I was attending Dixie and living off campus, I was a full-time time student and working part time. One weekend, my friends and I were all at a mutual friends house drinking and just hanging out as we usually did on the weekends. Yes, I did say drinking, and yes we were underage.
As the night was dwindling down, I recall voluntarily going upstairs with one of our guy friends. Like I said, I was under the influence. I remember both of us laying on the bed and I was starting to drift off to sleep, I woke up shortly to not only our guy friend who I originally went upstairs, with but another one of our guy friends both kissing me and taking my clothes off. I began voicing by saying “no” and attempting to get up repeatedly trying to leave and I just remember saying “no” so many times and struggling to get up, but they held me down.
I vividly remember being halfway off the bed and being pulled back, naked and scared. A bright light all of the sudden was shined on me and a third mutual friend was recording them assaulting me.
After everything was over, I was trying to get my clothes back on, get downstairs and leave as soon as possible. After they were done with me, one of the two guys that had raped me kept on repeating and begging me to “please, please don’t tell my girlfriend, please.” Those words hit home with me in ways I can’t even describe today. He could care less what he and his friend had just done to me but was more concerned about saving himself.
I realize that me being intoxicated spiked controversy. Maybe people would say, “Of you were drunk you wouldn’t remember,” or they would say, “she was a notorious party girl, she probably wanted it.”
I never reported anything to the school or police because of so many situations like Alannah’s where the victim is not taken seriously and made out to be a liar or like she wanted it. The only ones who knew were my friends who were there that night. They consoled me the best they could, but shortly afterward, they remained friends with the guys who assaulted me and life went on.
I guess because I was known as the party girl and because I was drinking that night no one took it too seriously. At that point in my life, I didn’t have much self-respect and let men — or should I say, “boys” — evidently walk all over me. I am not a saint in any way. However, it’s just like the saying “just because a girl is wearing a short skirt it’s OK to rape her, right?” Wrong. It’s never OK no matter how much you’ve had to drink or even if you’re known as a party girl.
Rape is never OK, no matter the circumstances ever.
I am not sure if my story is even helpful or will hold meaning to anyone. All I hope is that Alannah understands she is not alone, and that it never her fault. I pray she finds relief in her healing.
The writer of this story wished to only be identified by “L” to maintain anonymity.
