British Vogue’s recent article, Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? by Chanté Joseph, noted a trend happening on social media: relationships are something to be perfected or avoided at all costs, and the strains that come from them are completely undesirable.
For this opinion article, each writer is tasked with arguing the question, “Is being in a relationship embarrassing?” This face off enlightens both sides of the argument, giving each a chance to shine.
Daniel Klingler – being in a relationship is NOT embarrassing
Let’s set the record straight: no, having a partner isn’t embarrassing.
There’s nothing embarrassing about having someone to share your life with. The deep, interpersonal connection is desirable. Those sweet, quaint dates that never quite go as planned are memorable. The hours spent poring over a shared interest before falling asleep on top of one another are beautiful, not constricting and definitely not embarrassing.
Humans are social creatures — we NEED one another to feel connected, understood and fulfilled. That doesn’t always have to be a relationship, but who doesn’t want someone to see them for who they truly are?
Certainly, there are stressors to being in a relationship. Relationships are messy, imperfect and tough. You won’t always agree with your partner, and sometimes they’ll forget things that were important to you. With the rise of independence-driven narratives and trends like this one, of course, these challenges are going to be more apparent, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t worth the time and effort.
No relationship, romantic or otherwise, will ever be perfect, because people aren’t perfect. But for many of us, we don’t need perfection; we just need the ones we love.
I wouldn’t trade any part of my relationship to be accepted by this movement. I like the messy moments followed by comforting hugs and sweet words. I like talking things out after arguments, because the patience required to understand your partner shows how deeply you care for them. I like knowing that when my girlfriend and I spend days apart, we haven’t forgotten one another in our quest for independence.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean I’m not independent; it just means I chose to give up some of that independence for her. I still make my own life choices, but now I take into consideration how they’ll impact her.
Relationship life isn’t for everyone, but it hardly seems fair to shame people for caring about one another — for using their individual will to decide their own path.
Social media is hardly the place to be getting relationship or life advice. Influencers, trends and your followers will never know what’s best for you, because they don’t know you. Only you can decide if a relationship is or isn’t the right move — and neither choice is embarrassing. The only thing that’s embarrassing is how many people think shaming others makes their side look better.
Lindy Blair – being in a relationship IS embarrassing
Having a boyfriend is embarrassing. I remember being 17 years old and standing with mine in my high school hallway.
My boyfriend walked me to class, and we parted with a hug — a hug that was too long to be displayed in front of the whole school.
I felt pink rush to my cheeks, not because I didn’t like him, but because an intimate moment was on display for my teacher and all my peers.
Don’t get me wrong, having a boyfriend is great. I was in a relationship for three years; I understand the appeal. However, there is something inherently embarrassing about it.
It’s not necessarily hugging and kissing in public that is embarrassing, although I will admit seeing other couples do it does make me cringe a little; it’s admitting that you have given a piece of your world to someone else.
Your own life is so unique, so personal and you let someone else have a say in it. And your response might be that your bestie and your mom have a say in it, but this is different; it’s more intimate.
Your world starts to revolve around them, even if you say it doesn’t, it does. I tried so hard to keep being a good friend, to keep going to work, to keep pursuing my hobbies, but at the end of the day, he was always at the back of my mind. He was the shepherd’s staff I followed through life.
How embarrassing. How embarrassing to give someone a piece of my freedom, my liberty. How embarrassing for you to do the same. To love is not to be in the wrong. Love is beautiful, and I hope to have a boyfriend again someday, but it doesn’t come without sacrifice to the ego.
I remember being told, “If you and your boyfriend don’t get married, then love doesn’t exist.” To have someone else’s idea of love hinge on your own relationship, so embarrassing.
When the Vogue article went viral, Joseph wrote a response article with some new valid points. She shared how many used to see having a boyfriend as a coveted prize, but the narrative is now changing.
Having a boyfriend doesn’t have to be a defining moment for you. It doesn’t have to be something you constantly strive for, because you are enough by yourself.
When I first became single after three years, I thought I would be more embarrassed. Instead, I found liberation and ownership of my life.
There is more to life than boyfriends; there is also more to life than being embarrassed. Take your pick.
