Many students dream of moving to college and gaining independence. What is often overlooked is how involved parents may try to remain. We love our parents, but we need space to grow.
Parents often keep a tight grip for as long as they can because they do not want to let their babies go. Students need space to grow, learn and fail. It is the only way to learn how to navigate life.
As an only child, I dreamed of the college experience — the ability to spend time with friends whenever I wanted, stay up late and feel free. While college is not always the romanticized version shown in movies, it can feel close when students are able to make their own decisions.
“College is a great time to do as much as you can without your parents because there are so many resources available and it’s a safe space to push yourself out of your comfort zone,” said Harley Horgan, a senior finance major from Herriman and Campus View Suites III resident assistant.
Parents can sometimes make students feel suffocated, even from a state away. That is when communication and boundaries must be established.
Many students want their parents to be a listening ear, not decision-makers. Often, we have already made a choice and simply need to vent frustrations. While parents want to help and prevent struggle, micromanagement can undermine independence.
What parents need to understand is that there is a difference between being involved and being overly involved. I talk to my parents every day, sharing details about my classes and routine. They are involved, but they are not taking over my life.
For other students, they may want more or less from their parents, and that is OK.
This is where boundaries come into play. Students need to advocate for their boundaries. It is OK to tell parents when space is needed.
Before I left for college, once I turned 18 years old, I was told I was an adult and could make my own decisions. That changed once I left for college. My parents became way more protective again, and it took me by surprise.
I had to sit them down and explain to them that I am an adult and can be trusted. I wanted to hang out with my friends and not be forced to sit on the couch all night.
It was a hard conversation, but it was necessary.
In a similar situation, students should:
- Remain calm when explaining their feelings.
- Consider their parents’ perspective.
- Be straightforward — honesty is best.
It is hard to put boundaries up with your parents, but to keep a healthy relationship you have to establish boundaries.
Boundaries can look like:
- Limiting phone calls to once a week.
- Making independent academic decisions.
- Setting expectations for visits home.
Parents want to be overly involved because it makes them feel less out of control. Some parents, especially those of youngest or only children, may be more protective as they adjust to their child growing up. As students grow, parents are also navigating change. Watching a child become independent can be difficult after 18 years of constant involvement.
We love our parents, but as growing adults, we need space to fail and get back up. Independence does not mean losing family — it means learning how to stand on our own.
