The death of chivalry began when Hollywood stopped making authentic romantic comedies.
Reese Witherspoon was recently on the podcast “Armchair Expert” with host Dax Shepard. In the podcast, she told Shepard that bad dating culture might actually come down to the decline of romantic comedies. Shepard had also pointed out that men rarely approach women in public anymore.
Witherspoon responded to that with, “There are no modern examples of how to date anymore.”
The media nowadays is focused on what’s messy and toxic, unlike rom-coms from the past that showed what it’s like to really be in love. Movies like “10 Things I Hate About You” didn’t just showcase chemistry; it showed what effort really meant to two people in love.
It was a beautiful example of what it’s like to fall in love with someone you least expected. Don’t get me wrong, old rom-coms were still messy — but their messiness wasn’t the entire plot. In “10 Things I Hate About You,” Kat Stratford, played by Julia Stiles, and Patrick Verona, played by Heath Ledger, lied and hurt each other, but they also grew.
The story didn’t glorify toxicity or make pain the punchline. Instead, it showed a healthy way to come back from mistakes. Yes, the drama existed, but so did fixing the issue. Old rom-coms didn’t pretend love was easy — they just believed it was worth the effort.
That is where we have lost the plot in movies and shows nowadays. Shows like “Euphoria” glorify toxic and abusive behavior. It doesn’t really demonstrate what it’s like to be truly in love, or how to treat another person when in love.
I loved being a little girl watching all the beautiful love stories unfold, and nowadays, I still find myself reaching for those older movies. I still long for that sense of my heart fluttering out of my chest when the couple finally confesses their love.
Unlike shows such like “Euphoria,” old rom-coms actually taught people how to communicate when things got tough. Sure, they often ended in those picture-perfect fairytale moments that don’t always happen in real life, but underneath all that fantasy was a message about EFFORT. Those happy endings weren’t just about getting the girl or the guy; they were about learning how to show up for someone, even when it wasn’t easy.
When old books were made into rom-coms, they had that spark that a lot of franchises don’t care about anymore. Take it from Colleen Hoover. Her books are insanely popular, but the two that have recently been adapted from her books, “It Ends With Us” and “Regretting You,” showed such an unrealistic idea of true love. Hoover loves to be messy, and I’m just not here for it.
A perfect example of a beautifully executed rom-com that came from a book is the “The Longest Ride.” When Luke Collins, played by Scott Eastwood, buys all of the art collection for Sophia Danko, played by Britt Robertson, he proves that he paid attention to what mattered to her — something a lot of media doesn’t get right anymore.
That is what I need men and women to be watching. I despise going on the internet and seeing a man do the bare minimum and calling it “king behavior.” The only behavior I need to see is them learning what it’s like to be a man again.
Just like in old rom-coms, men used to go to the ends of the Earth for the person they loved. Their gestures, big or small, are so beneficial for young men to watch and learn from. Being a man isn’t about how strong you are; it’s about how you treat your partner with kindness on a daily basis.
A real partner is someone who steps up when times are hard. It’s someone who listens, and understands what the other person needs, and acts on it. Effort isn’t just a man’s job; it’s something both people have to invest in.
Shepard and Witherspoon were right to point out that people don’t introduce themselves to others in public anymore. To this day, I will die on that hill that rom-coms actually taught both men and women to get out of their comfort zone and TAKE. THE. SHOT.
Something we can’t deny is the social stress that comes from new media platforms. Being a young adult is difficult, especially when it comes to love. Dating apps are awful, and people can be really cruel on them. These apps and stories online are making people scared of what real love is, because we just don’t see it anymore.
I would love to see new rom-coms focus on these stressful situations as young adults in our society. It would still have that authenticity; it would just need to have that flair the old movies always got right. It could showcase people putting in the effort to ask someone out in public.
The best piece of advice is to watch the old rom-coms and learn from their mistakes and triumphs. Remember that taking that leap of faith is something to be proud of, and don’t let mainstream media convince you not to make the move.
