To Boldly Go: ‘Keep it simple, sweetheart’

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Women aren’t blameless when they go dateless.

Getting a man to ask you out is not nearly as hard as you think. Contrary to popular belief, women are in control of the dating scene, not the other way around.

I’ve said it time and again: Women are in charge of the world. Women invite men to approach, and men do. Men follow where women invite them. 

Men don’t like being rejected, so they will minimize the risk of rejection by following the signals that women send out.

Ladies, we all know men are visual. While he may have a good heart, a man is likely to discount a female who he doesn’t like looking at.

Women are emotional and more forgiving in the looks department. Don’t make the mistake of applying female morality to a male mentality. Men and women are different, and they always will be.

If you want someone who loves you just the way you are and doesn’t judge appearances, get a puppy. If you are trying to attract men and not just puppies, then dress to impress.

Consider it: The woman who wants to catch a fish carefully baits her hook with something that looks natural but also delicious. If your appearance follows the principle of natural and delicious, then it is much easier to lure in a victim, I mean, get a date.

A woman who is scowling, slouching, refusing to make eye contact or looks like an ogress is unapproachable, so she won’t be approached.

A woman who has taken care of her appearance, is smiling, laughing, standing up straight and making eye contact is much more approachable than the ogress and, therefore, more likely to be approached.

If you want men to come up to you, invite them. Make eye contact, and give them a sweet smile before glancing away. Repeat this once or twice, and they are sure to come closer. You are telling them to approach, and if they like what they see and the signal is strong enough, they will.

After you lure them nearer, it’s time to converse. Keep your answers brief and encourage your victim—I mean, male counterpart—to talk more about himself. Nod your head frequently; this will make him talk more. While this may sound a bit boring, it’s what most women do naturally.

It’s actually rather devious because it allows us to find out what their real intentions are. It lets us know if a man is a player, a creep or Mr. Horribly Wrong. We invite them to talk, and while they talk we decide if it’s worth it to invite them to move to the next step or not.

There is a gap between establishing conversation and asking for a date—it’s called acquaintance or friendship. In extreme cases, it is the Friendzone. During this phase, you establish rapport, trust and develop your common ground. You need this stage to make sure he’s not a desperate creeper, stalker, jerk, rapist or serial killer.

After you’ve established some rapport, it’s time to move to the next step of my diabolical plot.

Recall that men are dense, direct, straightforward and often do not take kindly to mind games. Employ the K.I.S.S. method—Keep It Simple, Sweetheart. Be blunt, direct and straightforward. 

Try the following techniques:

“You’re a wonderful guy. I just wish someone like you would ask me out.”

“When are you finally going to asking me out?”

“Is this the moment when you ask me to go out with you and I say yes?”

To a female, those are so obvious it’s painful. To a man, that’s right on.

Let me point out that you are still single at this point, so act like it. Limiting yourself to one man—especially a man who hasn’t even asked you out yet, let alone made you his girlfriend—is a bad idea.

This method shouldn’t be focused on just one male at a time—you should have different victims in different stages. Consistently cycle through fish, and throw back the unsuitable samples before you find some that you’d like to keep for a while. Even after the prime fish are in your cooler, keep fishing. You are not in an exclusive relationship until your victim is exclusively yours.

A date is a date is a date—not a proposal of marriage. If you treat a date like a proposal of marriage, you’ll be dated just about as often as the average girl is proposed to in her lifetime: once, maybe twice.

A date is a contract for a one-time event. Once the contract expires, it may be renewed—or not. If it is renewed, it should always be because the man took the initiative, not you.

When a man has to make the first move, he is forced to prove both his courage and his interest. When you deny him that challenge, you cripple yourself because you have no idea just how interested he really is. See the men’s perspective so you can understand that principle. The chase should be up to the men. Ladies, just learn to flirt while running.

Remember ladies, men are led by our signals, not driven by our demands. If you bait your hook carefully, you’ll have plenty of fish for dinner tonight.