Question: How do you get over your insecurities?
Dear readers,
We’ve all been told to “embrace our flaws.” Well, I’m here to tell you not to because your flaws aren’t valid at all.
Really, I could end the story there because it’s as simple as that, but then I wouldn’t be being completely honest with you or me. Is it really that simple to just acknowledge you don’t have any flaws and to forget them all?
Flaws aren’t real, yet they still consume so much of my thoughts and actions. If anyone needs this reminder, it’s me.
Since I can remember, I’ve always had a large variety of insecurities. Some have stuck with me ever since I was a little girl, including my smile, my big forehead, my weight and my height, just to name a few. Others come and go, haunting me on my worst days.
Now, I didn’t come into this world knowing my forehead was too big or that I weighed too much. So then, who taught me that?
Without pointing any fingers, it was you, world. The world taught me that.
Who decided that being skinny was ideal or that cellulite made you any less perfect? Who decided that acne made you look gross or that big ears made you look dumb? Who decided these things?
Unfortunately, the world has these unrealistic beauty standards that can not be met. But we hear this over and over again. What does it actually look like?
You have to be a size zero, and if you aren’t, then you have to wear shapewear. You have to have full, long hair, and if you don’t, then you have to get hair extensions. You have to have flawless skin, and if you can’t, then you need layers of makeup.
The point is that you have to meet impossible standards, and if you fall short, it’s seen as a flaw. But here’s the thing – none of these “rules” are real.
These rules are imposed by society and are constantly changing. That’s why insecurities are invalid because the standards we’re trying to meet don’t even exist.
For example, it’s frowned upon to be super curvy nowadays, but in the 1950s, the “perfect” body was curvy. It seems every few years, the “perfect” body is redefined, with today’s ideal image being skinny and tall.
Despite these fake rules, we still feel bad about ourselves and tear ourselves apart constantly.
Maybe we want to tear ourselves apart first, so that other people can’t, but here’s the thing – no one knows what you’re insecurities actually are. If you watch this video, it’ll show what I mean.
The video asks you to guess the insecurity of each person, but for each person, you will get it wrong. To prove the experiment, I did this with two of my friends. We all guessed each other’s biggest insecurity, and we each got it wrong.
One person’s biggest insecurity was their nose, the other was their side profile and mine was my weight. We never would have guessed each other’s biggest insecurity.
This proves that no one is watching you harder than you are watching yourself, and because of this, we are our own biggest bullies.
I want you to imagine that the next time you say something bad about yourself, whether it has to do with your physical appearance or your abilities, you are saying it to the younger you.
The younger you who knew no wrong. Who only knew the love of your parents and those around you.
Or the person you were beginning in kindergarten. Who loved school and the peers who surrounded you. You knew no insecurities because, in the eyes of everyone around you, you were loved and perfect.
Think about the person you were just beginning high school, where there was a divide between the popular and the unpopular. Where bullies were real, emotions were high and insecurities felt impossible to ignore.
Or even who you were just starting college. The person who was so scared, leaving behind your family and the comfort of your own home to pursue the next chapter in your story. You still had insecurities, but even more of them.
The point of reflecting on your younger self is to remember that you would never want to tear that version of yourself down, no matter what age. At every stage of your life, you were just doing your best, unaware of the challenges and pain that would come later. Whether it was a fear of monsters under the bed or worrying about how your peers saw you, those fears were real. No matter how old you were, you were still human with a heart and feelings.
Now, imagine if the way you speak to yourself today was the way you spoke to that younger version of yourself. You wouldn’t look at your four-year-old self and say, “You’re so fat” or “You’ll never be good enough.” Why do it now?
Now think of the person you were yesterday. The person with these “flaws” that seem to mean the world right now. The person who is trying their best to survive in a very hard and scary world while balancing everything being thrown their way.
You don’t need to have whiter teeth, a slimmer body, bigger muscles or longer legs. None of it. You truly do not need to change because you were created to look the way you do and act the way you do for a reason.
You’ve been told you’re flawed all your life — but that’s a lie. In a world obsessed with perfection, you are already enough. You are perfect in a world that is so imperfect. Stop tearing yourself apart for standards that don’t exist.
Sincerely,
Angel Wood
If you are seeking advice on something, message me on Instagram at @angelwoodknow.
