The Skewed Review: Homecoming, Howl hybrid creates doubt

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Just when my school spirit was starting to rise from the grave, The Howl converged with Homecoming.

I understand it can’t be helped our Gregorian calendar happened to stick Halloween and Homecoming Week together this year. I also understand that splitting the events might result in two low-attended dances.

But what I don’t understand is why, on this most joyous of occasions, anyone would wish to deprive a Dixie State College student the chance to dress up and get down. Yes, I see the Homecoming dance has a haunted theme, but there’s a big difference between classing up a Halloween party and dressing down a classy event.

In the attempt to please everyone, I’m afraid the DSC Student Association may have just made more people more dissatisfied.

The DSCSA this year has done a lot when it comes to getting students involved. I can see it where I stand way over here in my I-don’t-want-to-want-play corner. I have to give them kudos. They’re rated five out of five Hansen Stadiums filled to the brim with eager Red Stormers.

I can’t say students have never been more involved in college life than ever before in recent times, but I can say I’ve never been more involved.   

But there’s one thing I just simply will never budge on, and that’s my Halloween traditions. Every year I must dress up on Halloween, and I must put on a great show for our trick-or-treaters. And every year I must attend some sort of Samhain soiree that leaves me feeling like I got beat up by a band of Irish soccer hooligans the next day.

Am I going to get that at a Haunted Homecoming dance? I don’t think so.

The DSCSA gets another review of five out of five anticipated events being sub-par. I’m not talking about college events. I mean life events. You know, the kind of events you really look forward to, like weddings, summer vacations and “The Golden Girls” marathons on Lifetime.

But like my Halloween this year, each event will be delivered at only half the level expected. The weddings will be a good chance to see relatives, but the cake will taste like Styrofoam, and the bride’s dad will fall asleep during a video montage of the couple’s dating photos.

The summer vacation will be a nice getaway from school life, but the hotel won’t have a working air conditioner, and the vacation destination will be Branson, Mo.

And, of course, “The Golden Girls” marathon will be replaced with all 24 episodes of the far more unfortunate follow-up show, “The Golden Palace.” It’s OK because it has three of the four original retirees, but replacing Dorothy with Cheech Marin is not as rad is it sounds.

It’s true that I can’t jump in my DeLorean and zip off to the future since the flux capacitor went all screwy. Therefore, I can’t predict the exact outcome of the Haunted Homecoming Masquerade Howl Substitute, and it could be entirely possible this event will be the best of the year. However, since I can’t risk blowing the last weekend before Halloween on a ghoulish gamble, I’ll be partying elsewhere this year. 

What about you? Are you pumped for the Haunted Homecoming? Or are you going Matty’s route and finding entertainment off-campus? Follow @TheSkewedReview and @DixieSunNews on Twitter and tell us if you’re attending this year. If not,