Imagine this: your Utah Tech University Trailblazers win the Homecoming football game, and the celebration is only beginning after you rush the field.
Well, you aren’t a “True Trailblazer” until you do the nastiest thing you could do to celebrate.
Now imagine this: at the game, you have the choice of picking a wristband color. You get the choice of a lush green, a lively yellow or a blazing red.
Be careful. Don’t just pick your favorite color. That is not what those colors mean.
Green: When you follow everyone to the fountain and you chose the green wristband, know that when you arrive, anyone can kiss you at the fountain. That’s right, anyone.
I guess if you want to end up with the symptoms below, be my guest. If not, please just take my advice.
The best-case scenario is you end up with a cold sore. Gross.
Worst case scenario, you and everyone you kiss get mononucleosis, AKA the kissing disease. Disgusting. Or even worse, you get COVID-19, influenza, gum disease, meningitis and more. Yuck.
I mean come on. Everyone who sees you on campus will be able to point out who went wild during True Trailblazer.
Be honest with yourself. Are you going to be a True Trailblazer and take part in our school’s tradition, or are you going just to get your kiss count up so you can brag about it for the rest of the year? It is not worth it, and it’s really not something you should be proud of.
Yellow: Well, at least you aren’t wearing the green wristband. With this yellow wristband, I promise you chose the safer option, but you’re not completely safe.
Yellow doesn’t keep you away from getting kissed, not in the slightest. However, you do have to be asked before you partake in this nasty event.
I can’t stop you. Go ahead, do what you please, but kiss with caution because all the conditions I listed above are not going away. You are simply just saying yes to them.
Red: No way, you did it. You chose the best option. If red is your choice of color, congratulations. You won’t be in the hospital. Well, at least not because of kissing random people in a fountain.
Red wristbands mean you do not wish to spend the next few weeks regretting a bad decision. Instead, you would rather watch everyone else live up to their True Trailblazer night. Those participating will feel the wrath of what’s coming next.
Please take my advice. After reading this, if you still choose the green wristband, you are wild. I hope you are doing OK and finally realize that it’s not worth it.
The real True Trailblazers will be happily keeping their grades up in the classroom before finals rather than spending the rest of their time looking and feeling sick.
Choosing a color means choosing your path for the rest of the year. Good luck. Don’t be dumb. Pick red.
