I guarantee that at some point or another, you’ve been sitting in a group with your friends chatting about a guy or girl you’ve been talking to. Things seem to be going well until you text them and don’t get a response.
A day passes… two… maybe three… and it seems like the other person has fallen off the face of the earth and turned into a ghost.
“Ghosting” is a fitting name for getting ignored and seemingly pushed off to the side since the ghoster basically treats the other person like they aren’t there.
The age of the internet and social media hasn’t helped ghosting at all. Since it’s easier to meet people through social media, it’s also easier to ghost them and move on to the next person.
As someone who’s been a victim of ghosting before, I’ll be the first one to say that undeserved ghosting sucks.
This happened to me after jumping through hoops to try and get the phone number of a cute guy I met, only for him to forget who I was when I texted him and completely ignore me after.
I couldn’t tell you why. I had run into him twice before getting his phone number and thought he’d be interested in talking to me.
Did I mention that HE was the one who gave me his number?
I laugh about it now, but I remember being irritated because I didn’t think the ghosting was justified. I made sure I wasn’t clingy and didn’t come on strongly when I talked to him in person.
If this guy told me, “Hey, I’m not really feeling this, I think it’s best if we stop talking,” then it wouldn’t have been a big deal.
I’m a huge advocate for effective communication, especially when it comes to relationships. Everyone deserves respect that includes basic communication, and if you’re early on in the talking phase, then it’s important to communicate if you don’t think it’s going anywhere.
On the side of the “victim,” it usually causes feelings of sadness or confusion because they aren’t sure what they did to deserve being ghosted. If they were earnestly trying to pursue their feelings, getting left in the dust without an explanation is terrible. People don’t deserve that.
I’d argue most people avoid having the friend zone conversation because they don’t want to be uncomfortable. I get it. It’s easier to disappear and avoid those awkward feelings, but that should not be picked over basic human decency and having a short conversation.
I was in another potential ghosting situation recently after I’d been out a couple of times with another boy. Instead of ghosting me, he took the time to call me and explain his feelings, and we amicably parted ways. It took five minutes and feelings on both sides were spared.
I was sad that things didn’t end up working out, but in the end, I’m grateful for that conversion. It might have been difficult, but it was the right thing to do. I’d rather have that conversation as opposed to being ignored.
However, there is one situation where ghosting may be completely justified, especially when it comes to relationships. If the other person is constantly harassing you with text messages or phone calls after you’ve already told them you aren’t interested, then that’s the only time ghosting is excusable.
Again… that is the ONLY TIME it is acceptable. I can speak for my fellow ghosted when I say that nobody deserves to be left feeling confused or hurt when the person they are talking to flat out ignores them.
For the sake of decency, stop channeling your inner Casper because being a ghost certainly isn’t friendly.
