Question: Is girl code still a thing?
Dear readers,
You don’t have to be a part of a sorority to experience sisterhood in college, which is a common misconception about making friends after high school.
Although Utah Tech University lacks Greek life, it does not lack the opportunity to form genuine connections with other amazing women through living and understanding girl code.
Making friends, especially girlfriends, was incredibly hard for me in high school. It’s still hard at times, and it has taken time, effort and courage to make the amazing friends I have today. What I’ve found that can be even harder than making friends is keeping them.
Let’s think about girl math for a second. Following girl code = keeping friends. Some people would say it’s that simple. Well, girl code can be a little more complicated than that. This secret code is essentially unwritten rules that every woman should know and follow or else they are “fake,” “toxic” and “terrible” friends.
In reality, it’s not 2+2=4 like it was in kindergarten. It’s more like solving a complex equation, where every action, word and gesture carries consequences within the balance of friendship dynamics.
I’m not here to break down all the specific girl code rules, but rather, I’m here to tell you girl code exists, and it is so important to follow. But, it’s more about who you are as a person and who you want to be that makes following this complex girl code so easy.
What makes it even more complex and crazy is that every female has their own girl code, but it seems like no one actually knows that girl code isn’t just one set of rules. This unknown information results in so many failed friendships.
I’m sure many of us grew up being told to treat others the way we’d want to be treated, but do we really know how we want to be treated? For me, I don’t know how I want to be treated until someone treats me in a way I don’t appreciate. For example, requesting to follow a guy I rounded the bases with right after I struck out with him is against my girl code on so many different levels.
Although that’s the case for me, it might not be the same case for you. Why? Because everyone is different and has different beliefs, morals and values that may not align with everyone else’s. Hence the reason why everyone’s girl codes are different.
To this day, I never told that friend who wronged me that they hurt me, and that’s my fault more than anyone. But it appears that my code and her code were completely different.
So how do you follow girl code if everyone’s codes are different?
You communicate. Too often we hold grudges and resent other people simply because we lack the courage to communicate. Imagine a world where communication wasn’t feared and barriers weren’t broken by silence. That’s a world where everyone follows girl code.
Communicate why you are hurt. Communicate why their actions bothered you. Communicate what you are not OK with. Most importantly, communicate what girl code means to you.
If boundaries are broken again, even after you’ve used the power of communication, it’s time to rethink how important this person is to your life. It may even be time to let that person go, which I have a whole other story for.
Remember, there are going to be some people you meet in college that will stay in your life forever. There will be other people you stop talking to next week, next month, next year or even further down the road. Regardless, everyone you meet, you meet for a reason. Whether they are there to teach you, help you, warn you, guide you or whatever the reason, they were placed in your life on purpose. You’ll come to find that reason soon enough.
This next piece of information has been hard for me to come to accept, but the sooner you understand this, the happier you will be. Not everyone will like you no matter how hard you try. That’s not because there is something wrong with you. It’s because your girl codes don’t align, which is OK. You only need a few good friends with codes that work together rather than many friends you try to force your codes to align with.
As always, remember who you are and what you stand for. By doing those things alone, you already have your girl code built in. Now go find the people who will align with the same codes as you, and making and keeping friends in college will be easier than ever before.
And that’s girl math for you. Girl code = communication = powerful relationships. It really is that simple.
Angel Wood
If you are seeking advice on something, message me on Instagram at @angel.utahtech.
