OPINION | Stop being mean to your kids, give them a normal name

News editor Joe Boyle, a sophomore media studies major from Monticello, distressed about out-of-the-norm baby names. Sydney Johnson | Sun News Daily

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Exton Elias, Egypt Daoud Dean, Bronx Mowgli, Sno FilmOn Dot Com. Now you may be asking, “what the hell did I just read?” Well my friend, what you just read was just a short sample taste of what is a banquet of ridiculous names of celebrities’ children. 

It’s no secret celebrities have a strange tendency to give their children outrageous names. This has been a fact for quite some time, but it didn’t seem to be in the general public eye until 2020 with the birth of Grime and Elon Musk’s first son, X Æ A-Xii Musk. This comical combination of letters is what set off a conversation of critique. 

Now, to interpret these absurd names as yet another attempt from celebrities to get their name in the tabloids and generate some buzz would be fair, but I would argue this isn’t a negative thing. 

Sure, using your kid as a pawn in your scheme to gain press is a bit exploitative, but celebrity culture is self-obsessed and laughable in the first place. Their name choice is just another piece of the puzzle. They have made a career by captivating our interest with their talent and silly lifestyles, so I see it as no surprise or issue that they continue to do this through their kids’ names. 

Ridiculous name choices are, of course, not exclusive to celebrity culture. Being a university in Utah, it would be a crime for me to not poke fun at the equally ridiculous names we see here in Utah that honestly trump what we see from celebrities. 

Some of these parents must have been intoxicated on a dirty Diet Coke from Swig when coming up with these names. These are just a few real Utah names that have been shared with me, Stihl (pronounced Steel), Deegan, Khobri, Brekelle, Tru Leigh, Sayreli, and Nolun. 

The list is endless and depressing. My pain seeing these dumb names stems from a place of pride I have for my state. It’s sad to know Utah will forever be attached to these poor kids as they go on in life with these “unique” names. 

I am not trying to sound too critical of celebrities and celebrity culture. I would be lying if I didn’t say I love following celebrity culture. They are undeniably entertaining people, and despite the ridiculousness, it’s hard to not consume. A dumb name is to be expected and is almost encouraged in their world. 

But poor Keefin from a middle-class family in Bountiful will have to live out his life with a strange name because of his parent’s attempt to stand out. No matter how fun it is to laugh at, it’s a weird trend that I think we would all love to see come to an end in Utah. 

We must nip this in the bud before it causes irreversible damage to Utah’s image.

Take a stand against these self-destructive titles parents insist on giving their children, and save the future Lachlans of the world from a life of confusing nametags, uncomfortable first dates and a never-ending attempt by spell-check to belittle and question these poor souls.

Please, for the sake of your children, next time you are feeling spunky and adventurous just dye your hair or grow a beard. Don’t express your thrill-seeking spirit by spouting out the first collection of symbols and syllables that come to mind while naming your precious newborn child.