Drowning yourself in tissues, listening to Taylor Swift on repeat, and eating buckets of ice cream can only do so much when attempting to get over an ex.
With that being said, the popular solution of looking for rebound options right after a breakup is also not the way to go, as personal experiences will testify to this.
At the start of this summer, I experienced a breakup that was one of the hardest and lowest points of my life. Instead of summer being a way to relax and have fun, I found myself wishing I was back in school just so I could distract myself from all the pain. To have loved someone for so long and suddenly not have that person anymore was not easy. In fact, it is still not easy. And, the question is, can you ever fully get over an ex?
The answer is no, at least for my situation.
If you truly love someone, part of you will always love that person, which is important to remember. There is no fault in still having a piece of you that loves your ex as the same can apply to a family member who has died or a friend that you don’t speak to anymore. You can’t be too hard on yourself if you find yourself months later still struggling to forget this person. They were a big part of your life for a good amount of time, so why would it be easy to just forget them?
But, with time, the healing process will allow you to think of your ex in a more positive light, cherishing the memories you made with them while allowing yourself peace of mind knowing you can make better memories with someone else.
The keyword mentioned above is “time.” The first thing to remember is that getting over an ex and healing after a breakup takes time. It cannot happen overnight nor has it ever happened overnight. In fact, it takes an average of three months and 11 days to get over someone. For some, it is longer and for the lucky few, it is shorter. In that time of healing, there are a few things you can do to effectively move on.
The best thing that helped me get over my ex was writing everything down. I mean everything. From all my thoughts I wanted to say to my ex to all the things I liked and didn’t like about him, writing everything down was a way to control the pain and the mind from being unbearable.
With words on paper, I was able to see why the relationship wasn’t going to work out and why my ex was not my forever person. This also helped me avoid texting him any of the things I wanted to say to him because, we all know, texting or calling an ex right after a breakup is not always the best idea.
I also allowed myself time to be sad. Jumping back into the swing of things right after a breakup can push off the healing process because instead of processing all the painful emotions, you pretend like everything is fine. Then, all those emotions start to build up, leading to a bigger mental health catastrophe. Know it is OK to not be OK. Allow yourself a few days to lay in bed and be sad because feeling that emotion is perfectly healthy.
After you allow yourself some time to feel that pain, prioritize surrounding yourself with those who make you happy and do things that you love. Being with those people and doing those things will help distract you from your ex. But, this can be a lot easier said than done. After a breakup, being around people and doing anything can seem impossible and be the last thing you want to do.
Sometimes when it is the last thing you want to do, it can be the best thing to do. Deep down, you know going out and spending time with friends and family will be beneficial, but oftentimes, we feel guilty after a breakup and undeserving of moving on.
Truth is, you do deserve to heal and you do deserve to be happy, so allow yourself time and space to do both.
In the end, the most important thing to remember is that everything happens for a reason. There is a reason that the relationship did not work, and although it didn’t work right now, that does not mean it can not work in the future. As you heal and grow, you may even find that the best is still yet to come, perhaps with someone new.
Although getting over an ex is hard, it’s not impossible. Embrace the healing process because at the end of the day, although your lover era may be over, for now, your healing era has just begun.
If you are seeking advice on something, it can be anything, message me on Instagram at @angelsunnews.